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Sprint Cup
SPENCER: Drivers’ Unofficial New Year’s Resolutions
I’ve made some resolutions for some of the drivers, owners and others in the NASCAR industry...
Jimmy Spencer calls it like he sees it on SPEED. (Photo: SPEED)
Since I’ve got a lot of experience at how NOT to keep New Year’s Resolutions (the weight loss resolution still eludes me on an annual basis), I figured I could help out some of NASCAR’s finest with this little self-improvement tradition.
Just in case they were too busy to make New Year’s Resolutions themselves this year, or in the event they can’t see their own shortcomings, I’ve made some resolutions for some of the drivers, owners and others in the NASCAR industry.
Kurt Busch – I vow to wear a shock collar during all races so that if I even start to get a little out-of-line, the device zaps me to remind me this is the year I will behave myself and treat other people like human beings and not like dirt under my feet. Additionally, I will stop cussing over the team radio, which will eliminate at least 60-percent of my problems.
Kasey Kahne – I will not become the next Kyle Busch or Kurt Busch who is hated by many fans for what he says. I made a huge mistake on Twitter the other day when I tweeted about a woman breastfeeding her baby. I will never again criticize something with which I have absolutely zero experience and will never be able to do myself (Jimmy’s note: Hey, Kasey, what’s so wrong with breastfeeding anyway? That’s how I grew up to be such a big, strong kid).
Kyle Busch – The next time Toyota loans me a car, I will make sure it’s a Toyota Prius instead of a Lexus LFA because it’s probably nearly impossible to get a speeding ticket at 128 mph in a Prius. The LFA is another story because, as my attorney argued in court, the LFA basically just begs to be driven fast. The Prius won’t talk to me like that. Additionally, I will not piss off my sponsors, my car owner or another owner with the last name of Childress who has the punching power of a 30-year-old.
Austin Dillon – I resolve to take sliding lessons on a Slip ‘N Slide from a four-year-old. My face-first slide through the infield grass at Nashville after winning the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series race still haunts me. Not only did it hurt like heck to get “stuck” in the grass and not slide through it, it ranks as one of my most embarrassing moments. In fact, maybe I can talk the child into letting me keep the Slip ‘N Slide in the hauler and carry it out to the infield grass for my next victory slide.
Chad Knaus – I will not cheerlead for Jimmie Johnson from atop the pit box ever again. He said I suck at it, so we’ll see what he’s really got when there’s no one to encourage him.
Carl Edwards – I’ll have a little bit more junk food and a little less exercise this year. Being in tip-top shape is great and all, but Tony Stewart beat me for the championship in anything but top form. Maybe being a stud is overrated after all. Oh, and I hope I don’t fall into the rut that Denny Hamlin did in 2011 after losing the 2010 championship. That type of depression might drive me to eat a Twinkie.
Tony Stewart – I’ve got three NASCAR Sprint Cup Series championships under my belt now, so I think I’ll work on getting back in shape enough to climb the fence for the fans just once in 2012.
Ron Hornaday, Jr. – I will personally beat the crap out of anyone who wrecks me intentionally when I am battling for the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series championship and had to come from behind just to put myself in contention.
Kevin Harvick – I will install a tape recorder in my No. 29 Chevrolet (and also in the cars of Kyle Busch and Kurt Busch) so I can listen to my exchanges with my crew over the team radio while flying home after a race. This will enable me to hear and evaluate what I said during the race and how I talked to the crew.
Dale Earnhardt, Jr. – I will spend a little less time on my Fantasy Football league and more time on what I’m doing behind the wheel. And I will win a race again!
Jack Roush – I think I’ll change the style of my hat and see if my luck changes. I’ve changed everything else, including crew chiefs and crews, and still haven’t won a Cup Series championship with Carl Edwards or Greg Biffle. It’s time to get serious about what the problem might really be. What do you think of “The Cat in the Beret” instead of “The Car in the Hat?”
Car owners – We’ll all make a secret pact to never again hire any driver who disrespects us in public or acts like an ass over our team radios.
Track promoters – We will all get together and make a group decision to stop reconfiguring and repaving the race tracks, which only screws them up. We’ll continue to work on improving amenities for the fans but leave the tracks themselves alone. Oh, and we’ll all lower the ticket and concession prices. Finally, we’ll take a page out of Pocono’s book and examine shortening all the races to either 400 miles or, as Jimmy Spencer wants us to do, keep them all within a three-hour timeframe.
NASCAR – We will not make any concerted attempt to top the 2011 season because it might never happen. We’ll accept that not every year and championship run can be like that one. We’ll keep fine-tuning our product but won’t make any big changes that could end up setting the sport back instead of moving it forward. As the saying goes, if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
Jimmy Spencer calls it like he sees it on NASCAR Race Hub on SPEED. He retired from driving with two NASCAR Sprint Cup, 12 NASCAR Nationwide and one NASCAR Camping World Truck Series victory, putting him in an elite group of drivers who have logged wins in all three of NASCAR’s premier divisions. In 478 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series starts, Spencer amassed 28 top-five and 80 top-10 finishes. He won back-to-back NASCAR Whelen Modified Tour championships in 1986 and 1987 on the heels of 15 victories, becoming the first driver ever to earn consecutive titles in the series. He earned the nickname “Mr. Excitement” for his flamboyant and aggressive driving style early in his racing career.
The opinions reflected herein are solely those of the above commentator and are not necessarily those of SPEED.com, FOX, NewsCorp, or SPEED
Just in case they were too busy to make New Year’s Resolutions themselves this year, or in the event they can’t see their own shortcomings, I’ve made some resolutions for some of the drivers, owners and others in the NASCAR industry.
Kurt Busch – I vow to wear a shock collar during all races so that if I even start to get a little out-of-line, the device zaps me to remind me this is the year I will behave myself and treat other people like human beings and not like dirt under my feet. Additionally, I will stop cussing over the team radio, which will eliminate at least 60-percent of my problems.
Kasey Kahne – I will not become the next Kyle Busch or Kurt Busch who is hated by many fans for what he says. I made a huge mistake on Twitter the other day when I tweeted about a woman breastfeeding her baby. I will never again criticize something with which I have absolutely zero experience and will never be able to do myself (Jimmy’s note: Hey, Kasey, what’s so wrong with breastfeeding anyway? That’s how I grew up to be such a big, strong kid).
Kyle Busch – The next time Toyota loans me a car, I will make sure it’s a Toyota Prius instead of a Lexus LFA because it’s probably nearly impossible to get a speeding ticket at 128 mph in a Prius. The LFA is another story because, as my attorney argued in court, the LFA basically just begs to be driven fast. The Prius won’t talk to me like that. Additionally, I will not piss off my sponsors, my car owner or another owner with the last name of Childress who has the punching power of a 30-year-old.
Austin Dillon – I resolve to take sliding lessons on a Slip ‘N Slide from a four-year-old. My face-first slide through the infield grass at Nashville after winning the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series race still haunts me. Not only did it hurt like heck to get “stuck” in the grass and not slide through it, it ranks as one of my most embarrassing moments. In fact, maybe I can talk the child into letting me keep the Slip ‘N Slide in the hauler and carry it out to the infield grass for my next victory slide.
Chad Knaus – I will not cheerlead for Jimmie Johnson from atop the pit box ever again. He said I suck at it, so we’ll see what he’s really got when there’s no one to encourage him.
Carl Edwards – I’ll have a little bit more junk food and a little less exercise this year. Being in tip-top shape is great and all, but Tony Stewart beat me for the championship in anything but top form. Maybe being a stud is overrated after all. Oh, and I hope I don’t fall into the rut that Denny Hamlin did in 2011 after losing the 2010 championship. That type of depression might drive me to eat a Twinkie.
Tony Stewart – I’ve got three NASCAR Sprint Cup Series championships under my belt now, so I think I’ll work on getting back in shape enough to climb the fence for the fans just once in 2012.
Ron Hornaday, Jr. – I will personally beat the crap out of anyone who wrecks me intentionally when I am battling for the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series championship and had to come from behind just to put myself in contention.
Kevin Harvick – I will install a tape recorder in my No. 29 Chevrolet (and also in the cars of Kyle Busch and Kurt Busch) so I can listen to my exchanges with my crew over the team radio while flying home after a race. This will enable me to hear and evaluate what I said during the race and how I talked to the crew.
Dale Earnhardt, Jr. – I will spend a little less time on my Fantasy Football league and more time on what I’m doing behind the wheel. And I will win a race again!
Jack Roush – I think I’ll change the style of my hat and see if my luck changes. I’ve changed everything else, including crew chiefs and crews, and still haven’t won a Cup Series championship with Carl Edwards or Greg Biffle. It’s time to get serious about what the problem might really be. What do you think of “The Cat in the Beret” instead of “The Car in the Hat?”
Car owners – We’ll all make a secret pact to never again hire any driver who disrespects us in public or acts like an ass over our team radios.
Track promoters – We will all get together and make a group decision to stop reconfiguring and repaving the race tracks, which only screws them up. We’ll continue to work on improving amenities for the fans but leave the tracks themselves alone. Oh, and we’ll all lower the ticket and concession prices. Finally, we’ll take a page out of Pocono’s book and examine shortening all the races to either 400 miles or, as Jimmy Spencer wants us to do, keep them all within a three-hour timeframe.
NASCAR – We will not make any concerted attempt to top the 2011 season because it might never happen. We’ll accept that not every year and championship run can be like that one. We’ll keep fine-tuning our product but won’t make any big changes that could end up setting the sport back instead of moving it forward. As the saying goes, if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
Jimmy Spencer calls it like he sees it on NASCAR Race Hub on SPEED. He retired from driving with two NASCAR Sprint Cup, 12 NASCAR Nationwide and one NASCAR Camping World Truck Series victory, putting him in an elite group of drivers who have logged wins in all three of NASCAR’s premier divisions. In 478 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series starts, Spencer amassed 28 top-five and 80 top-10 finishes. He won back-to-back NASCAR Whelen Modified Tour championships in 1986 and 1987 on the heels of 15 victories, becoming the first driver ever to earn consecutive titles in the series. He earned the nickname “Mr. Excitement” for his flamboyant and aggressive driving style early in his racing career.
The opinions reflected herein are solely those of the above commentator and are not necessarily those of SPEED.com, FOX, NewsCorp, or SPEED
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