CUP: Free Answers To Your Toughest Questions

Sprint Cup

CUP: Free Answers To Your Toughest Questions

Free advice and worth every cent...

Larry Woody | http://www.RacinToday.com | Posted August 25, 2009 Charlotte, NC

The Pocono track was “weeping" causing a rain delay earlier this month. (Photo: LAT Photographic)

Free advice and worth every cent:

* Mr. Answer Man: Why can’t somebody can’t tell me, for gosh sakes, what time the dad-gummed race starts? – Teed-Off in Tallahassee.

Dear Teed: NASCAR hopes to be more precise about its starting times when its Research & Development Center completes work on a radical new Clock of Tomorrow.

* Mr. Answer Man: Is it true that Marcus Ambrose came from the Outback? Barbie in Bakersfield.

*Dear Barbie: Yes, he worked there as a busboy and later was a server at Longhorn, Logan’s and Western Sizzler.

* Hey, Answer Dude: So how come they don’t do, like, wheelies and stuff after a race? Cutting doughnuts is so totally lame, man. – Spacey in Sparta.

Dear Spacey: Turn down that infernal racket and go clean up your room.

* Mr. Answer Man: Why did they cancel the Pocono race when it wasn’t raining? – Puzzled in Peoria.

Dear Puzzled: Because the Stock Car Racing Commission ruled that it WAS raining, and suspended the Weather Channel for six races.

* Mr. Answer Man: No, really.

Dear Puzzled: Because the saturated Pocono track was “weeping.” It’s similar to when a race fan checks out of his motel and sees that the rates have been quadrupled. The fan starts weeping because he, like the track, has been thoroughly soaked.

* Mr. Answer Man: How come you voted for Linda Vaughan over Junior Johnson for the NASCAR Hall of Fame? – Libby in Lunsford.

Dear Libby: Have you ever seen Junior Johnson in gold lame hot-pants?

* Mr. Answer Man: How can NASCAR just up and change the rules in mid-season? – Ralph in Raleigh.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Larry Woody

RacinToday.com

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